As it stands now, I don't work out at all and I don't pay any attention to what I eat. Zero. I'm not happy with how I look or feel. I don't have much energy. I usually view the day in terms of what I "have to do", instead of what I "get to do". It really ends up feeling like I'm just getting by...and I hate that. I want to feel good and enjoy my life, not just feel sick and tired day after day.
I usually try my best to conceal how I feel and most of the time I pull it off. I clean up okay, but in my heart I know that I'm settling. I want something better for myself. There is a lot of shame and fear in admitting that for me. So why would I fess up on a blog for anyone to see? Well, it's all part of the plan. I am getting help. I start a 12 week plan tomorrow with FIT Systems. It is as far out of my comfort zone as I can get. Sending photos, measurements and my weight to a childhood friend that I haven't seen since 6th grade and a bunch of strangers everyweek. Agreeing to keep a food diary and follow a workout plan. Buying the bikini I will take after photos in on my first trip to Vegas in February. What! I can't believe I am doing this...but I am very excited. It's my time. I'm going to do this and I will not fail. I'm putting it all out there for everyone to see, for everyone to hold me accountable. Let the journey begin!